My path to homeschooling was a long, slow process, but I can break it down into two major influences. This post will be about the first of those influences- YOU!
For years before I pulled my kids out of school based on our own experiences there, for years before I even had kids, I was listening to YOU.
In weekly family gatherings, friends' gatherings, wherever you sat down comfortably and candidly to talk, the conversation would often turn to the most precious people in your life- YOUR children. And most of the time, it was about where your children spent most of their time and what seemed to be taking up all of their life- school.
Let me tell you, what I heard was not good. The stories were all different, but underlying them all, was YOUR frustration, your ANGUISH, your resentment, your dissatisfaction, and your DISTASTE for almost every thing imaginable regarding the set-up that comprises the current school system.
But above all, what really filled me with dread and sadness, was your underlying position of resignation and helplessness. You were satisfied to simply air your complaints in the safety and comfort of your gatherings, believing that you simply had no other choice! And I was filled with dread because you made me believe that too, and so, listening to you I also heaved a sigh of submission, and braced myself for what I thought was the unavoidable future fate of my children that is institutionalized schooling.
After all, you wanted and I want our children to be educated and to have the best chance of future success, and for some reason, we had all come to believe that the only way to be well-educated was in regular schools. Before I go into why that simply is NOT TRUE, let me share with you some snippets of what YOU have been saying to me for years:
On the inefficiency and the demands of the system:
"I just want to know what are they DOING in school all day?! Why does my child not know a thing when he comes back? Why does all our time together have to be stressful because I'm re-explaining the lessons and forcing him to do all this homework and review and understand the subjects they should have grasped in the classroom? We never seem to have the energy to just connect and have quality time as a family- all our time is consumed with the demands of school! Why can't I just enjoy my time with my children and relax with them at home?"
On dealing with the stronger influence of peers:
"We raise our children and try to instill the best values, and principles and morals in them, only to be thwarted by the bad examples they see in school! My kids don't listen to me anymore, my voice is lost among the stronger influences they meet in school. Sometimes it feels like a losing battle! It's not surprising, they spend much more time there than anywhere else! What can we do, except keep on nagging them about what's right and wrong, and hope for the best. I just wish they'd value my input more than that of their peers!"
On feeling forced to imitate and follow what "everyone else" seems to be doing:
"What can I do? I really didn't want to get him that thing, but he just kept nagging and nagging me and telling me how "everyone else" in his class had one. I know it's not ideal, and it's against my better judgment, and I just don't know how those other parents allow it! But what can we do except go with the flow? It's so hard to go against the current you know. It saddens me but it's unavoidable!"
On being forced to accept and live with the "luck of the draw" and less than ideal teachers:
"My child's teacher this year is just awful! My child is doing really badly in this teacher's class! I'm fighting to make sure that my child gets into the good teacher's class next year. I hear everyone is trying to get their kids in her class, I don't know what my chances are for my kid to get in. I hope we get lucky!"
On assignments that don't cater to your child's particular needs, or level:
"Why are they assigning such complicated tasks! It really doesn't feel right for my child's age/maturity level/needs right now!" or "That homework is such a waste of time, my child has known his multiplication tables backwards and forwards since second grade!"
On the increasingly exorbitant fees of private schools:
"The school fees are just slaying us! And they keep on finding ways to charge us for more money! And above all that my child still needs private tutors in almost every subject just to pass! It's ridiculous!"
On the increasingly worse traffic situation:
"I'm thinking of changing my child's school to let her go to one closer to our home. It's not my first choice of school but she's just getting so stressed from spending hours every day strapped into her seat in the car while fighting traffic to get to her current school. It's not like how we were when we were young! The traffic now is just insane! I have to drag her out of bed every morning at 5am just to get ready on time and leave the house on time to beat the early morning rush hour! I hope it won't be too bad if she goes to this other school, after all, it's not like I predict it's going to make that much of a difference in her education. Nobody really retains what they learn in school anyway :P"
On the effect of crowd control/group management techniques:
"My son comes every day to proudly announce that he got rewarded in class. I ask him, "That's great! What did you get rewarded for? Did you raise your hand? Did the teacher ask a question and you got the right answer? Did you offer to help someone in your class?" And do you know what he tells me? He told me he got rewarded for being the quietest! I understand why the teacher needs to do that, some kids can be very rowdy and disruptive in class, but my child is the opposite of that! He's already very shy and quiet! He needs the OPPOSITE KIND OF REINFORCEMENT! Since going to school he's just become more settled in his habit of hanging back and more hesitant about making himself heard!"
or: "My child's teacher is really making my life hard, she doesn't understand that my kid just needs to MOVE, not all kids fit into one mold, how can they expect all of them to learn in the same way? She should just give him a little personal attention, and he'll get it! Instead, she has a "one size fits all" method, and just expects him to behave like a robot!'
On not knowing who your kids are befriending in school:
"My daughter has been enamored with this new girl in school lately, so we invited her to our home. Oh my god what a little nightmare she was! It was freaky how rude and obnoxious she was to her own mother! When my husband saw this he warned me that he better not ever see that girl in our house again and that he better not ever hear that our daughter was visiting her! But she's invited to her birthday party next week! What can I do? I can't choose who goes to the same class my daughter goes to!"
On hardening our hearts to what we can see with our own eyes- that some kids not only don't thrive in a school setting, they actually wilt, yet pushing them anyway due to the belief that it is for their best interest:
"Every year I think, this year my child will get into the swing of things. Yet at the start of every year, he just bursts into tears and doesn't want to leave my side. Every day for the first two weeks or so, it's a struggle to get him through that gate. It's heartbreaking! But he needs to toughen up right? The problem is that although he does give up eventually, he's just continues to be so filled with deep anxiety about school. He'll sometimes have a nervous breakdown just from forgetting a paper! Above all, he just wants to avoid being noticed. The saddest part for me is that he used to love playing with his younger siblings so much, but now he just returns from school and prefers to play alone."
These are just SOME of issues and complaints I've been hearing from you, and I just want to shout it out right now: it really DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY :) The model of education currently available to us is not the only model. Schools across the globe are slowly shifting their paradigm of education. The question is, do you have time to wait for the most advanced, most cutting edge models of education to reach your child? I've taken it as my duty to research the best of what's currently offered, and to deliver it to my children NOW. Sometimes all that takes is thinking outside the box, and a little courage.
YOU have kept on asking "what can we do?"
And my answer to that question is this: I can Home School.
For years before I pulled my kids out of school based on our own experiences there, for years before I even had kids, I was listening to YOU.
In weekly family gatherings, friends' gatherings, wherever you sat down comfortably and candidly to talk, the conversation would often turn to the most precious people in your life- YOUR children. And most of the time, it was about where your children spent most of their time and what seemed to be taking up all of their life- school.
Let me tell you, what I heard was not good. The stories were all different, but underlying them all, was YOUR frustration, your ANGUISH, your resentment, your dissatisfaction, and your DISTASTE for almost every thing imaginable regarding the set-up that comprises the current school system.
But above all, what really filled me with dread and sadness, was your underlying position of resignation and helplessness. You were satisfied to simply air your complaints in the safety and comfort of your gatherings, believing that you simply had no other choice! And I was filled with dread because you made me believe that too, and so, listening to you I also heaved a sigh of submission, and braced myself for what I thought was the unavoidable future fate of my children that is institutionalized schooling.
After all, you wanted and I want our children to be educated and to have the best chance of future success, and for some reason, we had all come to believe that the only way to be well-educated was in regular schools. Before I go into why that simply is NOT TRUE, let me share with you some snippets of what YOU have been saying to me for years:
On the inefficiency and the demands of the system:
"I just want to know what are they DOING in school all day?! Why does my child not know a thing when he comes back? Why does all our time together have to be stressful because I'm re-explaining the lessons and forcing him to do all this homework and review and understand the subjects they should have grasped in the classroom? We never seem to have the energy to just connect and have quality time as a family- all our time is consumed with the demands of school! Why can't I just enjoy my time with my children and relax with them at home?"
On dealing with the stronger influence of peers:
"We raise our children and try to instill the best values, and principles and morals in them, only to be thwarted by the bad examples they see in school! My kids don't listen to me anymore, my voice is lost among the stronger influences they meet in school. Sometimes it feels like a losing battle! It's not surprising, they spend much more time there than anywhere else! What can we do, except keep on nagging them about what's right and wrong, and hope for the best. I just wish they'd value my input more than that of their peers!"
On feeling forced to imitate and follow what "everyone else" seems to be doing:
"What can I do? I really didn't want to get him that thing, but he just kept nagging and nagging me and telling me how "everyone else" in his class had one. I know it's not ideal, and it's against my better judgment, and I just don't know how those other parents allow it! But what can we do except go with the flow? It's so hard to go against the current you know. It saddens me but it's unavoidable!"
On being forced to accept and live with the "luck of the draw" and less than ideal teachers:
"My child's teacher this year is just awful! My child is doing really badly in this teacher's class! I'm fighting to make sure that my child gets into the good teacher's class next year. I hear everyone is trying to get their kids in her class, I don't know what my chances are for my kid to get in. I hope we get lucky!"
On assignments that don't cater to your child's particular needs, or level:
"Why are they assigning such complicated tasks! It really doesn't feel right for my child's age/maturity level/needs right now!" or "That homework is such a waste of time, my child has known his multiplication tables backwards and forwards since second grade!"
On the increasingly exorbitant fees of private schools:
"The school fees are just slaying us! And they keep on finding ways to charge us for more money! And above all that my child still needs private tutors in almost every subject just to pass! It's ridiculous!"
On the increasingly worse traffic situation:
"I'm thinking of changing my child's school to let her go to one closer to our home. It's not my first choice of school but she's just getting so stressed from spending hours every day strapped into her seat in the car while fighting traffic to get to her current school. It's not like how we were when we were young! The traffic now is just insane! I have to drag her out of bed every morning at 5am just to get ready on time and leave the house on time to beat the early morning rush hour! I hope it won't be too bad if she goes to this other school, after all, it's not like I predict it's going to make that much of a difference in her education. Nobody really retains what they learn in school anyway :P"
On the effect of crowd control/group management techniques:
"My son comes every day to proudly announce that he got rewarded in class. I ask him, "That's great! What did you get rewarded for? Did you raise your hand? Did the teacher ask a question and you got the right answer? Did you offer to help someone in your class?" And do you know what he tells me? He told me he got rewarded for being the quietest! I understand why the teacher needs to do that, some kids can be very rowdy and disruptive in class, but my child is the opposite of that! He's already very shy and quiet! He needs the OPPOSITE KIND OF REINFORCEMENT! Since going to school he's just become more settled in his habit of hanging back and more hesitant about making himself heard!"
or: "My child's teacher is really making my life hard, she doesn't understand that my kid just needs to MOVE, not all kids fit into one mold, how can they expect all of them to learn in the same way? She should just give him a little personal attention, and he'll get it! Instead, she has a "one size fits all" method, and just expects him to behave like a robot!'
On not knowing who your kids are befriending in school:
"My daughter has been enamored with this new girl in school lately, so we invited her to our home. Oh my god what a little nightmare she was! It was freaky how rude and obnoxious she was to her own mother! When my husband saw this he warned me that he better not ever see that girl in our house again and that he better not ever hear that our daughter was visiting her! But she's invited to her birthday party next week! What can I do? I can't choose who goes to the same class my daughter goes to!"
On hardening our hearts to what we can see with our own eyes- that some kids not only don't thrive in a school setting, they actually wilt, yet pushing them anyway due to the belief that it is for their best interest:
"Every year I think, this year my child will get into the swing of things. Yet at the start of every year, he just bursts into tears and doesn't want to leave my side. Every day for the first two weeks or so, it's a struggle to get him through that gate. It's heartbreaking! But he needs to toughen up right? The problem is that although he does give up eventually, he's just continues to be so filled with deep anxiety about school. He'll sometimes have a nervous breakdown just from forgetting a paper! Above all, he just wants to avoid being noticed. The saddest part for me is that he used to love playing with his younger siblings so much, but now he just returns from school and prefers to play alone."
These are just SOME of issues and complaints I've been hearing from you, and I just want to shout it out right now: it really DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY :) The model of education currently available to us is not the only model. Schools across the globe are slowly shifting their paradigm of education. The question is, do you have time to wait for the most advanced, most cutting edge models of education to reach your child? I've taken it as my duty to research the best of what's currently offered, and to deliver it to my children NOW. Sometimes all that takes is thinking outside the box, and a little courage.
YOU have kept on asking "what can we do?"
And my answer to that question is this: I can Home School.
Mashala! Allah bless you
ReplyDeleteDid u make up your own curriculum or how does it work?
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to know the details of ur experience!
ReplyDeletethe extent alone to which we can all identify with each and every one of those cases is frightening... and yes, the only prevalent attitude is a shrug and a non-committal "what can you do?". You show em what they can do!
ReplyDeleteno really, show us ;__;